Thursday, February 15, 2018
Who's in your wallet?
This is the part where elected officials tweet condolences:
"... praying for the victims..." $7,740,521. from NRA
"...this tragic violence has no place here..." $6,986,620. from NRA
"...saddened by the tragic loss of life..." $4,551,146. from NRA
"...our deepest condolences and prayers... $4,418,012 from NRA
"...praying for the families of those..." $3,879,064 from NRA
"...praying for all the victims...." $3,303,355 from NRA
"...prayers with all the victims..." $3,124,273 from NRA
Thoughts and Prayers and NRA Funding
#repeat
"After Britain had a mass shooting in 1987, the country
instituted strict gun control laws. So did Australia
after a 1996 shooting.
But the United States has repeatedly faced the same
calculus and determined that relatively unregulated
gun ownership is worth the cost to society.
That choice, more than any statistic or regulation,
is what most sets the United States apart.
is what most sets the United States apart.
'In retrospect Sandy Hook marked the
end of the US gun control debate,' Dan Hodges,
a British journalist, wrote in a post on Twitter
two years ago, referring to the 2012 attack
that killed 20 young students at
an elementary school in Connecticut.
'Once America decided killing children was bearable,
it was over.'"
end of the US gun control debate,' Dan Hodges,
a British journalist, wrote in a post on Twitter
two years ago, referring to the 2012 attack
that killed 20 young students at
an elementary school in Connecticut.
'Once America decided killing children was bearable,
it was over.'"
Sunday, January 14, 2018
Athlete A: She Has a Name
Gregory Bull/Associated Press
Words we must hear from women who have come forward: These are just two of the 140 (to date) victims of Larry Nassar, described within these articles as a highly reputable physician with "exceptional interpersonal skills," Sunday school instructor, and beloved community member. Why does it take victims so long to report? Read on.
“Up until now, I was identified as Athlete A by U.S.A. Gymnastics, the U.S. Olympic Committee and Michigan State University,” Ms. Nichols said in a statement provided by her lawyer, John Manly. “I want everyone to know that he did not do this to Athlete A, he did it to Maggie Nichols.”
Ms. Nichols’s mother, Gina Nichols, said in a phone interview that her daughter finally felt comfortable speaking out after “living with this torment” for so long.
“We kept being told U.S.A. Gymnastics is handling it, so she just did what she was told to do, and she was told to keep quiet,” said Gina Nichols, who accused U.S.A. Gymnastics of a cover-up. “If she uses her voice and comes forward, she feels she might be able to help others.”
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/09/sports/maggie-nichols-abuse-larry-nassar.html
Denhollander said she hesitated to contact police for more than 15 years because "I was 100 percent confident that I would not be believed."
Nassar "was (MSU's) golden boy. He was USAG's golden boy," she said. "He was so loved in the community that I was very sure ... I would be crucified and he would end up empowered to know he couldn't get caught.
"What breaks my heart more than anything," she said, "is that all these women who came forward and did what I didn't do, that's exactly what happened to them."
http://www.mlive.com/news/index.ssf/page/msu_doctor_alleged_sexual_assault.html
**
I fully support hashtags and impassioned speeches. They are the kindling of important action.
If time is up, let's see how fast we can change policies and legal loopholes that keep perpetrators of abuse protected, that keep those harmed, silent.
Small changes with big impact could be made quicker than the passing of a 429 page tax bill. They would protect those who have been harmed or exploited, and limit the ability to cause further harm by those who are skilled at this practice.
Ready, set, remove:
1.
Statute of limitations on reporting and prosecuting sexual violence
The years it takes for young girls, young women, wise women, boys and men of all ages, to speak of the shitty shit that happens and limits their life does not fit into a tidy 2-5 year plan. Time's up on statute of limitations. It is a form of protection, for the abusive individual.
2.
Hush money
We've already seen that this is a legal tactic of abuse. It often follows or accompanies multiple attempts to discredit or further frighten the individual who is reporting.
Most people who report are scared, and remain scared at every stage of the likely fall out and consequences.
Abusive legal tactics maximize this fear.
Purchased silence:
-harms the victim by exploiting their fear
-emboldens the perpetrator
-places others at risk
Remove the option of those with an army of attorneys to write up an acknowledgment of what happened with disappearing ink and slip it into a sealed document.
Is time up? Time will tell.
In the meantime, keep speaking.
Keep writing.
Keep sharing
Keep listening to those who are speaking.
Keep looking for actionable steps to create concrete change.
Monday, October 2, 2017
The Right To Bear Arms, again
We should no longer be using the term "shooting". They are massacres, and they do not have to happen.
Weapons of this magnitude are not used for hunting, or sport. We should not look away in our grief, but look closer, and hold this senselessness with us until we address, in some tangible way, why we have this senselessness.
Posted in 2012, after the Sandy Hook massacre:
When the shooting at Columbine happened, I was living in Galway, Ireland in an apartment that I shared with two German students and two American students.
I came home from class and found my German roommates standing uncharacteristically close to the television, watching the news. They turned to me as I entered our shared kitchen. On their faces they wore expressions I will never forget. It wasn't anguish. It was complete bewilderment.
It took them finding words, me watching part of the news, and a few minutes for me to come to understand what had taken place in Colorado. But it took their questions and their fumbling for me to start to contemplate this from a different perspective.
My shock as Columbine unfolded was connected to the horror and tragedy. To the suffering, and the lives lost, and the aftermath for each family.
Their bewilderment was different.
Soren asked me: Is this true?
Was what true?
Is it possible? he asked.
What?
This. How could one person have so many weapons? How could this boy get a gun, or multiple guns?
Anybody can get a gun, I remember saying.
There was this blank silence.
But how is this so? Kristina asked.
How is this so?
I had never contemplated gun laws before this conversation.
But I started paying attention to some questions and began to understand Soren and Kristina's complete confusion. They could not even register the tragedy immediately because their minds could not get past the how is this even possible?
I had no problem understanding the how. Guns, weapons, are not hard to come by.
After Columbine, I continued to talk with my German flatmates about crime in their country. I started noticing the nature of violent crime within Ireland.
During that period in Ireland, it wasn't that there were no violent crimes. There were many during my 8 months there. Stabbings. Muggings. Beatings. The reaction within the community and splashed across the newspaper was the same as the reaction we have in the US when a crime is committed: pain, grief, questioning.
It's also not that Americans are a more violent brand of humans.
We simply have unprecedented access to a means which causes excessive harm in a short period of time.
This is an awful point, but here it is: it takes far longer kill 3 people without an automatic weapon than it does to shoot 20, or 30 with one.
The beatings and stabbings in Ireland seemed to line up with Soren's explanation of violent crime in Germany. They are horrific. But intervention can happen more quickly because of the nature of the crime.
We have come to exist with such ease of acquiring weapons that it does not touch the national consciousness until something like this occurs.
It keeps occurring.
We can question the young man and whatever illness plagued his mind.
We can look at how to make a school better protected, with metal detectors.
Or we can ask: why is a constitutional right that was written in 1791 still upheld in 2012?
The Right to Bear Arms was inked at a time when it made sense.
Does it still make sense today?
Does it fit?
Do we need to have such access to automatic weapons to protect ourselves?
This amendment was adopted on December 15. 221 years ago.
Two hundred and twenty-one years ago.
The right to bear arms was written during a time when "arms" were single-shot weapons. Before the existence of high velocity clips and semi-automatic rifles. The technology of our weapons has far exceeded the original "arms."
We are being called---yet again---to explore this right, and who exactly it is protecting.
Weapons of this magnitude are not used for hunting, or sport. We should not look away in our grief, but look closer, and hold this senselessness with us until we address, in some tangible way, why we have this senselessness.
Posted in 2012, after the Sandy Hook massacre:
When the shooting at Columbine happened, I was living in Galway, Ireland in an apartment that I shared with two German students and two American students.
I came home from class and found my German roommates standing uncharacteristically close to the television, watching the news. They turned to me as I entered our shared kitchen. On their faces they wore expressions I will never forget. It wasn't anguish. It was complete bewilderment.
It took them finding words, me watching part of the news, and a few minutes for me to come to understand what had taken place in Colorado. But it took their questions and their fumbling for me to start to contemplate this from a different perspective.
My shock as Columbine unfolded was connected to the horror and tragedy. To the suffering, and the lives lost, and the aftermath for each family.
Their bewilderment was different.
Soren asked me: Is this true?
Was what true?
Is it possible? he asked.
What?
This. How could one person have so many weapons? How could this boy get a gun, or multiple guns?
Anybody can get a gun, I remember saying.
There was this blank silence.
But how is this so? Kristina asked.
How is this so?
I had never contemplated gun laws before this conversation.
But I started paying attention to some questions and began to understand Soren and Kristina's complete confusion. They could not even register the tragedy immediately because their minds could not get past the how is this even possible?
I had no problem understanding the how. Guns, weapons, are not hard to come by.
After Columbine, I continued to talk with my German flatmates about crime in their country. I started noticing the nature of violent crime within Ireland.
During that period in Ireland, it wasn't that there were no violent crimes. There were many during my 8 months there. Stabbings. Muggings. Beatings. The reaction within the community and splashed across the newspaper was the same as the reaction we have in the US when a crime is committed: pain, grief, questioning.
It's also not that Americans are a more violent brand of humans.
We simply have unprecedented access to a means which causes excessive harm in a short period of time.
This is an awful point, but here it is: it takes far longer kill 3 people without an automatic weapon than it does to shoot 20, or 30 with one.
The beatings and stabbings in Ireland seemed to line up with Soren's explanation of violent crime in Germany. They are horrific. But intervention can happen more quickly because of the nature of the crime.
We have come to exist with such ease of acquiring weapons that it does not touch the national consciousness until something like this occurs.
It keeps occurring.
We can question the young man and whatever illness plagued his mind.
We can look at how to make a school better protected, with metal detectors.
Or we can ask: why is a constitutional right that was written in 1791 still upheld in 2012?
The Right to Bear Arms was inked at a time when it made sense.
Does it still make sense today?
Does it fit?
Do we need to have such access to automatic weapons to protect ourselves?
This amendment was adopted on December 15. 221 years ago.
Two hundred and twenty-one years ago.
The right to bear arms was written during a time when "arms" were single-shot weapons. Before the existence of high velocity clips and semi-automatic rifles. The technology of our weapons has far exceeded the original "arms."
We are being called---yet again---to explore this right, and who exactly it is protecting.
Tuesday, July 4, 2017
The World Turned Upside Down
Four score, and seven years ago...there was a poetry jam at the White House, and the mad rapper Lin Manuel Miranda tested out this thing he was working on, and there is no turning back. Here is what happens once you have been infected:
Someone asks you your name. At a work event or in some formal setting where you are supposed to simply say your name. Instead, your brain immediately translates their question into WHAT'S YOUR NAME MAN and there is a very long pause while a very small internal voice, barely audible, pleads, Don't sing, it's not appropriate, they might not know what you are talking about, maybe they've never heard the song please just answer the question with your name but the louder part of your brain is already halfway through the reprise. This is what happens to me now, and so it takes 7 - 12 seconds and two deep breaths to answer, every single time someone asks my name.
On the outside, I say my name. BUT ON THE INSIDE, this.
For the uninitiated but curious, a crash course below.
But first: it's July 4th*.
*content may reflect significant events that took place within +/-7 years of Congressional approval of final text ofRepeal and Replace The Declaration of Independence
Now. Ye who have heard of it but not heard it, here are some starter songs, which I've retitled. This is where you begin, and then when you are ready, jump into Cabinet Battles and King George love songs.
Then, tell me your name.
Warmup of Wonder
The Unimagineable
Being a Parent Reconstructs Your Heart
How the Sausage Gets Made
Everyone Shall Sit Under Their Own Vine and Fig Tree and No One Shall Make Them Afraid
Someone asks you your name. At a work event or in some formal setting where you are supposed to simply say your name. Instead, your brain immediately translates their question into WHAT'S YOUR NAME MAN and there is a very long pause while a very small internal voice, barely audible, pleads, Don't sing, it's not appropriate, they might not know what you are talking about, maybe they've never heard the song please just answer the question with your name but the louder part of your brain is already halfway through the reprise. This is what happens to me now, and so it takes 7 - 12 seconds and two deep breaths to answer, every single time someone asks my name.
On the outside, I say my name. BUT ON THE INSIDE, this.
For the uninitiated but curious, a crash course below.
But first: it's July 4th*.
*content may reflect significant events that took place within +/-7 years of Congressional approval of final text of
Now. Ye who have heard of it but not heard it, here are some starter songs, which I've retitled. This is where you begin, and then when you are ready, jump into Cabinet Battles and King George love songs.
Then, tell me your name.
Warmup of Wonder
The Unimagineable
Being a Parent Reconstructs Your Heart
How the Sausage Gets Made
Everyone Shall Sit Under Their Own Vine and Fig Tree and No One Shall Make Them Afraid
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Season of Giving
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Screenagers
Screenagers....or, let's be real, Allagers...is a new documentary produced by a physician and mom to teenagers, Dr. Delaney Ruston.
"Kids are on screens too much, but parents don't know what to do about it. So I decided to make this film not only to look at the impact, but to look at solutions."
Check here for a screening in your area.
"Kids are on screens too much, but parents don't know what to do about it. So I decided to make this film not only to look at the impact, but to look at solutions."
Check here for a screening in your area.
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Welcome to Yellowstone: Ba da ba ba bah, I'm lovin' it!
If you have ever visited one of the 58 National Parks in the United States, you likely experienced a sense of awe, wonder, and the stillness that comes from encountering immense beauty.
Beauty that has been protected and preserved from commercial use.
Until now.
Corporate sponsorship is being considered as a source of funding to maintain and support the National Parks.
"These mountains brought to you by Chick-fil-A, and over here, this natural hot spring made possible by Burger King. The moose? Brought to you by Shell Global. At Shell, our motto is, 'We heart nature!' "
Sometimes you look at a problem (need funding to maintain the National Parks) and then look at a possible solution (corporate vendors with naming rights in the park) and it takes a nanosecond for Megan Trainor's song to come to mind:
Down to the ah to the no, no, no.
So while a much much better solution is being procured, you can sign a petition giving your 'No' to the really terrible solution being considered.
Sign here.
I'm #2101.
You can sign your name or keep it anonymous.
Either way, the mountains will thank you. Or at least, the moose.
Beauty that has been protected and preserved from commercial use.
Until now.
Corporate sponsorship is being considered as a source of funding to maintain and support the National Parks.
A new policy proposed by the National Park Service will remove current rules saying that parks must be free of commercialism. The order directs parks to actively seek donations from corporate vendors, while also liberalizing rules on “donor” recognition and lifting restrictions on naming rights in parks. That means your visit to a national park will increasingly become marred by product placement in visitors’ centers and on signage, benches, paving stones, and park vehicles.
---Campaign for Commercial Free ChildhoodOr:
"These mountains brought to you by Chick-fil-A, and over here, this natural hot spring made possible by Burger King. The moose? Brought to you by Shell Global. At Shell, our motto is, 'We heart nature!' "
Sometimes you look at a problem (need funding to maintain the National Parks) and then look at a possible solution (corporate vendors with naming rights in the park) and it takes a nanosecond for Megan Trainor's song to come to mind:
Down to the ah to the no, no, no.
So while a much much better solution is being procured, you can sign a petition giving your 'No' to the really terrible solution being considered.
Sign here.
I'm #2101.
You can sign your name or keep it anonymous.
Either way, the mountains will thank you. Or at least, the moose.
Friday, July 29, 2016
Goldilocks, Reconstructed.
Miss C went through a long and entertaining phase where reading a book or telling a story pretty much mimicked this here.
For your viewing enjoyment: Goldilocks, Reconstructed
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
What to do with all the leftover Barbie Spies
Remember this fun toy?
A Barbie. That talks to your kid. And records what your kid says. And stores all that information in a cloud. And uses that information to market to children more specifically.
Brought to my attention by the ever-marvelous Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood, I posted about it here in March 2015.
Many of you signed a petition telling Christopher Sinclair, the CEO of Mattel, that this was a creepy, unethical, and wretched idea. Those were the printable adjectives.
Advocacy works! Not always how we imagine it will! But still!
If you would like to see the fruits of your signature, or just a reminder that protecting kids isgenerally always a good idea, read CCFC's post, You did it! Hello Barbie is a flop.
An excerpt:
Yay for good things.
Mattel did not make a good choice on this one. But parents did, and so Spy Barbie flopped.
Perhaps she could be placed in the center of the table at the next strategic planning meeting of Mattel, and report back what the hale they were thinking on this.
No?
Executives wouldn't want a real purdy data gathering recording device to attend their meeting?
In-ter-es-ting!
Imagine: at all future gatherings, if each person had to speak into the Barbie...
Speak into the Barbie please. Could you adjust the Barbie? So that we can all hear and record you properly? Thank you. Yes, that's better.
I think the audio playback might sound like this:
A Barbie. That talks to your kid. And records what your kid says. And stores all that information in a cloud. And uses that information to market to children more specifically.
Brought to my attention by the ever-marvelous Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood, I posted about it here in March 2015.
Many of you signed a petition telling Christopher Sinclair, the CEO of Mattel, that this was a creepy, unethical, and wretched idea. Those were the printable adjectives.
Advocacy works! Not always how we imagine it will! But still!
If you would like to see the fruits of your signature, or just a reminder that protecting kids is
An excerpt:
Long before the doll’s release, CCFC publicized how Hello Barbie would threaten children’s privacy, creativity, and wellbeing. Nearly 45,000 people signed our petitions urging Mattel not to release the doll that records and analyzes children’s conversations, and our concerns were featured in media outlets around the world, including the Washington Post and Fox News.
In November, just before the doll hit stores, we enlisted experts to help us tell parents exactly why Hello Barbie is bad for children. Our Hell No Barbie: 8 reasons to leave Hello Barbie on the Shelf was shared far and wide on social media and inspired a fresh wave of media attention, including The Today Show.
Yay for good things.
Mattel did not make a good choice on this one. But parents did, and so Spy Barbie flopped.
Perhaps she could be placed in the center of the table at the next strategic planning meeting of Mattel, and report back what the hale they were thinking on this.
No?
Executives wouldn't want a real purdy data gathering recording device to attend their meeting?
In-ter-es-ting!
Imagine: at all future gatherings, if each person had to speak into the Barbie...
Speak into the Barbie please. Could you adjust the Barbie? So that we can all hear and record you properly? Thank you. Yes, that's better.
I think the audio playback might sound like this:
Monday, April 18, 2016
"Automatic and Invisible"
One dad shares how he and wife moved through a common scenario:
"...no policy solution could have intervened in our situation. The variables were few and personal: two parents, two jobs, one sick kid....
It had seemed like a hassle, but it was the point that we do this negotiation. That's both the cost and the payoff of breaking out of the gender roles that make these decisions both automatic and invisible."
--- Two Parents, One Sick Kid by Alexis Madrigal
Friday, January 8, 2016
Awakening The Force
It is Star Wars (time, year, life).
She Who Wears the Tunic That Looks Like Pants....back in the day
i.
Miss C has been reading Harry Potter and for Christmas she received books 4 - 7, as well as the DVD collection of movies 1 - 8. (As fans know, and as was explained to me, the last book was so long it was made into two films.)
Each time she finishes a book, she loves to watch the movie, and compare how it plays out on screen versus how it played out in her imagination. She recently finished book 3 and wanted to dive into the movie immediately. I reminded her to do her homework, tend to whatever else needed tending, and then, then, she could have screen time.
She started laughing hysterically.
"Do you know what you just said?" she asked.
"Yes. Do your jobs then you can watch tv."
"No! You said, 'And then you can watch some Star Wars.' "
I had.
I had swapped out HP and put in SW just like that.
She went off to tend what needed tending, still laughing, saying, "We don't even have Star Wars!"
ii.
Before she had seen The Movie, Miss C was walking the line of inquiry about Star Wars, trying to grasp what was all the to-do. For important matters like this, I direct Miss C back to her dad because my depth of knowledge on Star Wars is like the kiddie pool, a mini, shallow version of the big pool.
But she wasn't interested in the plot points.
She wanted to know why she was supposed to like it.
"You're not supposed to like it," I said. "You can like it, or not like it, or sort of like it."
"But I feel like I'm supposed to like it," she'd insisted. "No one said I have to like it, but I feel like I should."
iii.
Not long after this conversation, but still before she'd seen the movie (which transformed all uncertainty into full Force love), we were in Barnes and Noble, picking up a gift. She stopped in the middle of the first floor, as though taken over by something. She became serious, and said, "I feel like I suddenly like Star Wars. Like I actually like it now, and I don't know why."
She was surprised by this sudden liking, a new feeling she hadn't had before.
We stood still in the center of what seemed to be a new department at Barnes and Noble: Vader alarm clocks, Clone Troopers, embroidered Yoda hats, Yoda string lights, Perplexus's's's, Air Hogs, Star Wars Catch Phrase and lunch boxes and woolly gloves and Monopoly, and of course, Lightsabers of every size and color.
And suddenly, without having deepened my kiddie pool knowledge of this story, and without knowing why, I felt the exact same way.
And I really wanted the Yoda hat.
iv.
The Force Awakens opens in China this weekend. If you want to see 500 Storm Troopers stationed on the Great Wall (truly a sight to behold), or read about how to create retroactive nostalgia, here you go.
She Who Wears the Tunic That Looks Like Pants....back in the day
i.
Miss C has been reading Harry Potter and for Christmas she received books 4 - 7, as well as the DVD collection of movies 1 - 8. (As fans know, and as was explained to me, the last book was so long it was made into two films.)
Each time she finishes a book, she loves to watch the movie, and compare how it plays out on screen versus how it played out in her imagination. She recently finished book 3 and wanted to dive into the movie immediately. I reminded her to do her homework, tend to whatever else needed tending, and then, then, she could have screen time.
She started laughing hysterically.
"Do you know what you just said?" she asked.
"Yes. Do your jobs then you can watch tv."
"No! You said, 'And then you can watch some Star Wars.' "
I had.
I had swapped out HP and put in SW just like that.
She went off to tend what needed tending, still laughing, saying, "We don't even have Star Wars!"
ii.
Before she had seen The Movie, Miss C was walking the line of inquiry about Star Wars, trying to grasp what was all the to-do. For important matters like this, I direct Miss C back to her dad because my depth of knowledge on Star Wars is like the kiddie pool, a mini, shallow version of the big pool.
But she wasn't interested in the plot points.
She wanted to know why she was supposed to like it.
"You're not supposed to like it," I said. "You can like it, or not like it, or sort of like it."
"But I feel like I'm supposed to like it," she'd insisted. "No one said I have to like it, but I feel like I should."
iii.
Not long after this conversation, but still before she'd seen the movie (which transformed all uncertainty into full Force love), we were in Barnes and Noble, picking up a gift. She stopped in the middle of the first floor, as though taken over by something. She became serious, and said, "I feel like I suddenly like Star Wars. Like I actually like it now, and I don't know why."
She was surprised by this sudden liking, a new feeling she hadn't had before.
We stood still in the center of what seemed to be a new department at Barnes and Noble: Vader alarm clocks, Clone Troopers, embroidered Yoda hats, Yoda string lights, Perplexus's's's, Air Hogs, Star Wars Catch Phrase and lunch boxes and woolly gloves and Monopoly, and of course, Lightsabers of every size and color.
And suddenly, without having deepened my kiddie pool knowledge of this story, and without knowing why, I felt the exact same way.
And I really wanted the Yoda hat.
iv.
The Force Awakens opens in China this weekend. If you want to see 500 Storm Troopers stationed on the Great Wall (truly a sight to behold), or read about how to create retroactive nostalgia, here you go.
Friday, November 20, 2015
Bic For Her
Earlier this week I was standing around with a few runners, drinking water and not talking about running. Talking about running is what many Runners do when they are running. It is how I know to never call myself a Runner. Or "not yet," as one Runner told me. I can't talk about running--yet--for many reasons. The first is that I can't breathe. Because I'm running. But the others are that I have too many "no" answers to questions that would expand a conversation.
R: "How long have you been running?"
Me: (gasping)
R: "Do you have any races coming up?"
Me: (panting) "No."
Other ways I know I am not yet a Runner is that I don't have that watch that beeps, I never know what mile we are on, and headlamps, I don't have one, though every time it is dark, I lurk creepily behind someone who is wearing one so I can see where I am going. Or else practice running in the dark. Is that a raccoon or a giant pot hole? Ouch. Not a raccoon. Also, reflective gear, like those criss-cross yellow blinking Safety Patrol belts. And those water bottles that strap to your hand. Or your back. Also, special sneakers. Or proper clothing.
There are too many signs to keep listing. The fact that if it is 10 degrees with a windchill of -15, you could not pay me to even contemplate the joy of Running. "You just need the right clothing," one Runner stated, when I explained my 4 month absence from November through March. This is where silence is useful, because I really like hot drinks, listening to the wind howl outside my window, and feeling generally glad to be out of the elements. No amount of Under Armour is going to change that.
Another tell-tale sign is that I don't understand a 50K. I don't admire or mock it. I just don't get it. I've spent a little bit of time wondering what makes us gravitate toward intentional pain and suffering, with little pay off, and I think that in lieu of living in dangerous environments, we seek out a bit of anguish and physical harm. And wear beeping watches and blinking lights to help us achieve this goal.
All of these things demonstrate what makes one a R, which is a commitment to something, an attention to the details that maximize the experience, and a goal-focused way of making sure that you are growing in an area that you value. It's very teaching.
If you don't have any races coming up and you can't breathe, it makes conversation after the run much more fluid and manageable.
And sometimes pretty funny.
Because I gravitate toward others who are similarly unprepared but keep showing up.
In one such recent conversation, I was "hydrating" (which is a Runner's word for drinking water) and talking to a man and a woman. The woman was mentioning a yoga class that she goes to, and how she feels bad for always being late.
"It's like, all peaceful in there and I try to sneak in without being loud but then I'll bump someone or drop my mat and interrupt everything."
I nod my head in sympathy.
The man is quiet, no nodding. Then he says, "I like to get there 15 minutes early." I nod, again, in sympathy. Too early, too late. Both can be difficult qualities to embody.
"And," he say, "get my things all lined up. My mat the way I like it, my waterbottle and my blocks and the band," he is physically lining them up with his hands. It's all organized in his chosen corner and then I imagine this woman tripping over him as she enters the room 30 minutes later. He tells a tale about a woman who always arrives ahead of him to get the exact same spot in the class, every single time. This intrigues me the way someone doing a 50K intrigues me.
"What would happen if someone took her spot?" I ask.
He thinks it wouldn't be good.
"Have you ever tried?"
"Oh, I wouldn't," he says.
I would. Just to see. This is probably why it's good I don't go to yoga classes.
The yoga conversation continues, and it gets funnier and funnier. I ask a question and immediately regret it. I don't know where the question comes from.
"What kind of yoga class is it?" This is my question. As soon as I ask, I realize:
1. She could make up a name and I wouldn't know the difference
2. I know there are different kinds of yoga, but I don't know what they are, so I'm not sure why I am asking this.
But no question is ever wasted, because she knows as much as I do, but now the man is trying to guess which kind it is.
He asks if it is the fast breathing yoga.
"I don't think so," she says, looking like she is playing out the last class in memory to look for any fast breathing. "You mean, like, deep breathing?"
No. He means fast breathing. He demonstrates. And what he demonstrates is very familiar. I recall learning it in a natural child birthing class. He's showing the part of breathing you do during a contraction.
"Are you sure you were in a yoga class?" I ask. "That sounds like Lamaze."
"No, it was yoga," he says.
"Because I can see how you might accidentally enter a Lamaze class and it would be similar to yoga, and the instructor would be pretty laid-back and accepting and would see you practicing labor breathing and would just, you know, encourage you, thinking, 'Well, to each their own.' "
"It was yoga," he says.
She's not sure the kind of yoga class it is, and so he is guessing: lots of poses? Fast flowing? I think of all the information about yoga that has been deposited into my brain by people who say You have to try it and then tell me how they go to rooms where it is 150 degrees and just sweat. There are the cold Under Armour Runners and the Hot Yoga breathers and the man who is guessing what kind of yoga this woman does says something like, "It roots your soul. Does she say that in class?"
"Yes!" the woman says.
And then they are exchanging the many times that soul is referenced during their 60 minute workout class. "Like, 'Feel your soul flow,' and 'Now s-t-r-e-t-c-h your soul!'"
I am getting the sense that there are Runners, and those who run, and there are Yogis, and those who do drop in classes. And the drop-ins don't know why the soul is referenced just as those who run don't have any races lined up. Yet.
Somewhere in thispost-Running post-running conversation, the woman asked if we had seen a bit done by Ellen DeGeneres on Pens for Women.
I hadn't, but said that that's a funny idea.
"No, it's real. These pens made for women, by Bic. It's called Bic for Her."
Without further ado, fast breathing, or upcoming races, I bring to you, Bic. For Her
R: "How long have you been running?"
Me: (gasping)
R: "Do you have any races coming up?"
Me: (panting) "No."
Other ways I know I am not yet a Runner is that I don't have that watch that beeps, I never know what mile we are on, and headlamps, I don't have one, though every time it is dark, I lurk creepily behind someone who is wearing one so I can see where I am going. Or else practice running in the dark. Is that a raccoon or a giant pot hole? Ouch. Not a raccoon. Also, reflective gear, like those criss-cross yellow blinking Safety Patrol belts. And those water bottles that strap to your hand. Or your back. Also, special sneakers. Or proper clothing.
There are too many signs to keep listing. The fact that if it is 10 degrees with a windchill of -15, you could not pay me to even contemplate the joy of Running. "You just need the right clothing," one Runner stated, when I explained my 4 month absence from November through March. This is where silence is useful, because I really like hot drinks, listening to the wind howl outside my window, and feeling generally glad to be out of the elements. No amount of Under Armour is going to change that.
Another tell-tale sign is that I don't understand a 50K. I don't admire or mock it. I just don't get it. I've spent a little bit of time wondering what makes us gravitate toward intentional pain and suffering, with little pay off, and I think that in lieu of living in dangerous environments, we seek out a bit of anguish and physical harm. And wear beeping watches and blinking lights to help us achieve this goal.
All of these things demonstrate what makes one a R, which is a commitment to something, an attention to the details that maximize the experience, and a goal-focused way of making sure that you are growing in an area that you value. It's very teaching.
If you don't have any races coming up and you can't breathe, it makes conversation after the run much more fluid and manageable.
And sometimes pretty funny.
Because I gravitate toward others who are similarly unprepared but keep showing up.
In one such recent conversation, I was "hydrating" (which is a Runner's word for drinking water) and talking to a man and a woman. The woman was mentioning a yoga class that she goes to, and how she feels bad for always being late.
"It's like, all peaceful in there and I try to sneak in without being loud but then I'll bump someone or drop my mat and interrupt everything."
I nod my head in sympathy.
The man is quiet, no nodding. Then he says, "I like to get there 15 minutes early." I nod, again, in sympathy. Too early, too late. Both can be difficult qualities to embody.
"And," he say, "get my things all lined up. My mat the way I like it, my waterbottle and my blocks and the band," he is physically lining them up with his hands. It's all organized in his chosen corner and then I imagine this woman tripping over him as she enters the room 30 minutes later. He tells a tale about a woman who always arrives ahead of him to get the exact same spot in the class, every single time. This intrigues me the way someone doing a 50K intrigues me.
"What would happen if someone took her spot?" I ask.
He thinks it wouldn't be good.
"Have you ever tried?"
"Oh, I wouldn't," he says.
I would. Just to see. This is probably why it's good I don't go to yoga classes.
The yoga conversation continues, and it gets funnier and funnier. I ask a question and immediately regret it. I don't know where the question comes from.
"What kind of yoga class is it?" This is my question. As soon as I ask, I realize:
1. She could make up a name and I wouldn't know the difference
2. I know there are different kinds of yoga, but I don't know what they are, so I'm not sure why I am asking this.
But no question is ever wasted, because she knows as much as I do, but now the man is trying to guess which kind it is.
He asks if it is the fast breathing yoga.
"I don't think so," she says, looking like she is playing out the last class in memory to look for any fast breathing. "You mean, like, deep breathing?"
No. He means fast breathing. He demonstrates. And what he demonstrates is very familiar. I recall learning it in a natural child birthing class. He's showing the part of breathing you do during a contraction.
"Are you sure you were in a yoga class?" I ask. "That sounds like Lamaze."
"No, it was yoga," he says.
"Because I can see how you might accidentally enter a Lamaze class and it would be similar to yoga, and the instructor would be pretty laid-back and accepting and would see you practicing labor breathing and would just, you know, encourage you, thinking, 'Well, to each their own.' "
"It was yoga," he says.
She's not sure the kind of yoga class it is, and so he is guessing: lots of poses? Fast flowing? I think of all the information about yoga that has been deposited into my brain by people who say You have to try it and then tell me how they go to rooms where it is 150 degrees and just sweat. There are the cold Under Armour Runners and the Hot Yoga breathers and the man who is guessing what kind of yoga this woman does says something like, "It roots your soul. Does she say that in class?"
"Yes!" the woman says.
And then they are exchanging the many times that soul is referenced during their 60 minute workout class. "Like, 'Feel your soul flow,' and 'Now s-t-r-e-t-c-h your soul!'"
I am getting the sense that there are Runners, and those who run, and there are Yogis, and those who do drop in classes. And the drop-ins don't know why the soul is referenced just as those who run don't have any races lined up. Yet.
Somewhere in this
I hadn't, but said that that's a funny idea.
"No, it's real. These pens made for women, by Bic. It's called Bic for Her."
Without further ado, fast breathing, or upcoming races, I bring to you, Bic. For Her
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
The Changing Lives of Women: Going Blue
In 2013, NPR launched a series titled The Changing Lives of Women.
Today's segment features 85 year old Anne Bernays: novelist, teacher, and blue haired beauty.
Today's segment features 85 year old Anne Bernays: novelist, teacher, and blue haired beauty.
"While young people sparkle like diamonds, old folks are invisible — except, as I discovered, if you have bright blue hair."Well worth the listen.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Alternatively Titled
I heard this on the radio this morning and my brain immediately started retitling the story.
Here are just a few:
I Really Do Read it for the Articles
Why Buy theCow Magazine When There's The Internet For Free
Naked is as Naked Does (this one makes no sense, but has a nice ring)
Less is More, and Turtlenecks are Ba-aack!
Hugh Hefner: 89 and still sporting a bathrobe everywhere he goes. God bless him.
From the story:
What if you were the next model/celebrity/human who was scheduled to appear in the magazine, and then you received a phone call: "Actually, we're all set. But thanks anyway. We're going to focus on art and the economy instead."
You'd be calling your agent stat to see if hell had frozen over.
Here are just a few:
I Really Do Read it for the Articles
Why Buy the
Naked is as Naked Does (this one makes no sense, but has a nice ring)
Less is More, and Turtlenecks are Ba-aack!
Hugh Hefner: 89 and still sporting a bathrobe everywhere he goes. God bless him.
From the story:
Playboy will stop publishing photos of nude women. Its website stopped featuring nudity in August, and traffic has since increased from 4 million to 16 million users a month, according to Playboy executives.
--'Playboy' to Stop Publishing Nude Images
What if you were the next model/celebrity/human who was scheduled to appear in the magazine, and then you received a phone call: "Actually, we're all set. But thanks anyway. We're going to focus on art and the economy instead."
You'd be calling your agent stat to see if hell had frozen over.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Please Take This Idea And Run With It
Inspired by this text conversation with a Loved One, who has three children under the age of 5.
Begins with details about a fishing pole:
Me: They're called Shakespearean poles. Hope you're feeling better and your fever is gone.
LO: Turns out I have pneumonia.
Me: Omg pneumonia??
LO: Yeah and George has bronchitis
LO: We've covered all the respiratory diseases.
Me: LOL :(
Me: Do you need anything? Juice....broth.....less liquid in your lungs....a nanny
LO: All of the above
Me: What about a business that services SAHM/D with kids ages 0-5. When the parent is sick, they go here; there is an amazing child care center on one side, and then hotel-like suites on the other and the sick parent goes to the suite and stays from 8 - 5 each day. And it is covered by insurance.
LO: You would make bank
Me: WHY HAS IT NOT BEEN INVENTED
LO: It'd probably just spread diseases faster
Me: No because the sick person is Quarantined!!!!
LO: Hmmm. We should do this
Me: Ah know. (pause to realize I don't actually want to run/own/operate such a business, I simply want it to exist)
As I am writing this, my phone starts pinging repeatedly. LO is contemplating "logistical red flags."
Me: Like what?
LO: Well you'd need a vaccination list for kids ahead of time, then there's allergies, special needs equipment (can't discriminate), transportation if the mom is too sick to drive, then what if the mom gets sicker and needs help
Me:
LO: Plus I'm sure we'd need insurance and people would have to sign waivers upon arrival
Me:
LO: What if the child is a 5 year old serial killer?
Me:
LO: Stuff like that.
Well. Do what you can with it. I have a few name suggestions if you happen to get such a facility licensed in the near future.
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Changing of the Guard
"Something told him that something was coming to an end. Not the world, exactly. Just the summer. There would be other summers, but there would never be one like this. Ever again."
---Neil Gaiman
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Gertrude's Secret
If a rose by any other name would not smell as sweet, would Victoria's Secret still be as sexy if it went by another name?
Five years ago I called to have my name removed from the Victoria's Secret mailing list. I was told my name was removed and yet the mail still kept coming. I just chucked it in the bin and went along with life and then one day a postcard arrived from Gertrude's Secret and it was a coupon for free underwear. No strings attached. You just show up with your postcard and pick up some pantaloons.
But they're called panties.
I go through phases where I save coupons for random things, stick them in a drawer, and then later clean the drawer and have to throw out a bunch of expired coupons. Because they are never for useful things, like dark chocolate, but for a Free Custard at Rita's, or buy two sheet pizzas and get the third free, or Free Pantaloons at Gertrude's Secret. Not that those don't add to the value of a day, but peripherally so, not integral.
Anywho, I had a day where I cleaned that drawer and everything was going to expire in a week. And I became determined to use every coupon before they expired.
Have you ever redeemed a free pantloon postcard at VS?
Let me give you a peek: nothing is free.
I entered the store and asked a sales rep which of the pantaloons qualified. She asked if I'd also like to look at some amazing new bras they had in, as well as beautiful sleep wear. I said no thank you. She asked if I would like to look at their lotions and potions. No thanks, just here for the pantaloons. Of course, she said. She took me on a long and winding tour through the store, pointing out several new items and another set of bras that would change my life. She'd slow at each item and I just waited thinking, Those are not the free pantaloons.
At last, we arrived at a table strewn with underwear. Free pantaloons. I selected a pair and got in line.
Once at the register the spiel began again. I handed over the drawers and the postcard. The cashier asked if I found everything I was looking for. I said yes. Had I heard of the new hand lotion with sea kelp? No, but I just wanted the
or the newly patented bras that would change my life
nope just here for the
or the super soft and comfy pajama
free panties
And then there was a silence. And a pause.
It was a standoff.
Would I walk out with the free panties?
Or would I also be purchasing a sea kelp bra that would change my skin tone?
Free panties. Thank you.
My item was put in a bag and stuffed with excessive pink tissue paper.
I came. I saw. I got the free panties.
Five years ago I called to have my name removed from the Victoria's Secret mailing list. I was told my name was removed and yet the mail still kept coming. I just chucked it in the bin and went along with life and then one day a postcard arrived from Gertrude's Secret and it was a coupon for free underwear. No strings attached. You just show up with your postcard and pick up some pantaloons.
But they're called panties.
I go through phases where I save coupons for random things, stick them in a drawer, and then later clean the drawer and have to throw out a bunch of expired coupons. Because they are never for useful things, like dark chocolate, but for a Free Custard at Rita's, or buy two sheet pizzas and get the third free, or Free Pantaloons at Gertrude's Secret. Not that those don't add to the value of a day, but peripherally so, not integral.
Anywho, I had a day where I cleaned that drawer and everything was going to expire in a week. And I became determined to use every coupon before they expired.
Have you ever redeemed a free pantloon postcard at VS?
Let me give you a peek: nothing is free.
I entered the store and asked a sales rep which of the pantaloons qualified. She asked if I'd also like to look at some amazing new bras they had in, as well as beautiful sleep wear. I said no thank you. She asked if I would like to look at their lotions and potions. No thanks, just here for the pantaloons. Of course, she said. She took me on a long and winding tour through the store, pointing out several new items and another set of bras that would change my life. She'd slow at each item and I just waited thinking, Those are not the free pantaloons.
At last, we arrived at a table strewn with underwear. Free pantaloons. I selected a pair and got in line.
Once at the register the spiel began again. I handed over the drawers and the postcard. The cashier asked if I found everything I was looking for. I said yes. Had I heard of the new hand lotion with sea kelp? No, but I just wanted the
or the newly patented bras that would change my life
nope just here for the
or the super soft and comfy pajama
free panties
And then there was a silence. And a pause.
It was a standoff.
Would I walk out with the free panties?
Or would I also be purchasing a sea kelp bra that would change my skin tone?
Free panties. Thank you.
My item was put in a bag and stuffed with excessive pink tissue paper.
I came. I saw. I got the free panties.
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