Morning Story

Sleeping Bobby has been a hit this week.  It's been the morning story, the bed time story, and the book I find lodged between Miss C and the wall when I peek on her at night.
Which means that she's been getting out of bed and sneaking Sleeping Bobby!

Twists on old fairy tales tend to really make her mind do contortionist twists.
This page has gotten some wear:

It's where 12 Wise Women come to bring gifts to Bobby.  (In the Sleeping Beauty version, I believe it's 12 Fairies...but mythology experts correct me).
And the first time I read that, the line, "twelve wise women," Miss C inserted, "and 3 wise men."
Quick as a wink, as if I'd just left off that part entirely.

Because what would a fairy tale be if you didn't throw in a little nativity and mix it all up?
Jesus and Bobby and Aurora and the Virgin Mary: voila.

"Well, I think that's a different story."

"No, they are there..." she traces the page with her finger, searching for the wise men bearing gold and frankincense and myrrh for baby Bobby. 

Her finger lingers over one masculine looking wise woman, sort of like, well here's one that could go either way, then looks up at me, questioningly.

"Nope, that's still a wise woman."

"Well," she hems, "to me, that's a man."

And there she goes, just switching up the parts all willy nilly, re-writing the story to suit her own whim.

In moments like this, it pops into my head that sex is mutable for children up until about age 6, meaning that male and female are changeable, not yet fixed.

So, I let it slide.

And I figure, I could learn a lot by hanging out with someone for whom some things are mutable.

91

As Miss C climbed into the car before swimming lessons, she suddenly reversed and started back toward the house, calling over her shoulder, "I forgot my buddies, I have to get my buddies!"

I trailed her (I'm always trailing her), unlocked the back door and watched her fly into the house.  I stood in the doorway, wondering who she would bring this time  There was much clomping around, and then rummaging, and finally, she emerged with her buddies:

Cinderella:
(she also doubles as Bonnie Raitt)

Agarvatee:
(he doubles as Agarvatee, and also, the other Agarvatee)

Cinderella--apparently, a shape-shifter-- and Belle (the banana-seat bike-riding duo)

 She had her arms full on the ride over to the YMCA, and spent much of the time informing the cast of characters that indeed, she would not be going under water today, but that chances were pretty high she'd be intentionally sampling the delicious chlorinated water.  It's just too refreshing to pass up.

You can take the Disney out of the house, but what follows after that is anyone's guess.

90 Days: Status Report

My first post here was about 3 months ago.

If you'd like to read that Miss C has since moved on from Cinderella and Belle to Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Amelia Earheart, you will be sorely disappointed.

In fact, we talk about Cinderella every single day.
And she still asks for Ariel stories every other day.

But there are some big changes:

1.     She is telling her own stories.  This week, the story has revolved around Belle and Cinderella being sisters, sharing a room, and riding a banana seat bicycle together.  Belle sits, Cinderella pedals, and Belle makes sure not to dip her feet too close to the spokes of the speeding wheels.  (It sounds vaguely familiar, like a story I told Miss C about my sister and I sharing a bike.  But, I never copyrighted it, so plagiarize away, my girl.)

2.     She's been insisting on names for the princes.  It's complicated, so pay attention.  Cinderella's prince is named: Agarvatee.  She made it up herself, and she also named Belle's prince Agarvatee, and also Snow White and Tiana's prince...Agarvatee.  The catch is: they're not the same Agarvatee.  They're all different princes, they just happen to share the very common name of Agarvatee.  Sort of like Mike, or Jake.  But, Agarvatee.  (I think it's #101 on the list of Popular Boy Names.)

3.     Ariel is no longer half-human and half-fish.  "She's half woman and half man."  When I asked which part of her was which, Miss C took her hand and drew an invisible line from the center of her forehead, down her face, torso and until she reached the floor.  So, it's a vertical split, right down the center.  Which I'm guessing must make simple tasks like dressing and going to the bathroom a bit of an extra challenge.

The play continues to change, with increasing flexibility and creativity displayed.  I think the names of the characters and pieces of their story will remain with us for quite awhile longer, and it's been an honor getting to know the deeper parts of hermaphrodite Ariel and all the Argavatees.

Tsunami

Grocery shopping: is it like this for you?

Prior to getting to check-out:

Then, directly in front of check out, just in case you missed it while picking up some spinach:

Finally, arriving in the check-out aisle:

Isn't it so strange that so many little girls just love Disney Princesses?

Must be genetic.

Parental Responsibility

I wanted to respond to a comment left on this post from Rivqa, an editor based in Sydney, Australia.
She writes,

"I'm very sympathetic to parents under pressure of pester power but I think they are the ones who need to draw the line. The kids clearly aren't able to!"

And, this is a common statement which I agree with, with a BUT.

At the end of many discussions regarding sexualized and violent behavior seen in kids, and the rapid decline of the health of the American child (from increase in obesity to increase in mental health disorders), it's typically wrapped up like this, "Well, the parents have a responsibility to protect their child, and to shape their child.  And now, let's cut to a commercial."

For those of you who were able to view all of the film Consuming Kids, the final segment deals specifically with parental responsibility and what it means.  You can watch the last couple minutes here.

In the wrap up, Susan Linn, Director of Campaign for a Commercial Free-Childhood, says, "We have a $15 billion dollar industry that is working day and night to undermine parental authority."

Enola Aird, of The Motherhood Project, makes this analogy, "It's akin to an owner of a large fleet of trucks announcing that our fleet of trucks, from now on, is going to be barreling down the road, especially where children are, at 150 miles per hour.  Parents, watch out, it's your job to take care that your children don't get hurt."

Two things are needed:

1. parental responsibility.
2. help for us responsible parents.

And heck, even help for the irresponsible parents.

Because all them kids gonna be mixed together in the classroom soon enough, so let's all just help each other out, shall we?  I won't tsk tsk your terrible and irresponsible parenting if you don't mock the fact that my daughter often strips down to her underwear the moment we get home.  Because it just feels better, hanging out in your underwear. 

We have now seen what it looks like when there are no rules whatsoever regarding marketing to children.
It is UG-ly.
Since companies don't have a code of ethics, intervention is needed.

I want to work on both fronts.
I want to be more responsible as a parent.
And, for Pete's sake, I want to not step into a tsunami of shite each time I leave my house with my child.  It is wearying to the bone.

Booty POPPED.

One day after I called Bed Bath and Beyond to make a complaint about this, I received a call from Bernice, Regional Customer Sales Manager for the company.  She was lovely to speak with, and told me that my concerns were highly valued and would be sent on to the board which oversees marketing.  Interestingly, in both phone calls, neither employee would say the name Booty Pop.  Bernice, when she called, said, "I received an email about some issues you have with...that you have some concerns."

If I have been calling to complain about my 400 thread count sheets, or Teflon frying pan, I wonder if it would be as hard for the representative to name the product.

"You have concerns about...you wanted to voice your thoughts regarding..."
"My frying pan?"
"Yes, your frying pan," (clears throat nervously).

After relaying my concerns to Bernice, I asked her,
"What do you think about your company carrying this product?"

"Well," she began, "I hadn't seen the flier until getting your complaint.  Then, I took a look at it.  And...I can definitely see where you'd take issue.  I have nieces." 

Having nieces helps because often, what gets someone concerned about an issue is connecting it to a face, thinking about how it might impact or harm someone they know and love.  I think this is what lights a fire under parents butts, and why many an apolitical college student, once a parent, takes issue with things that never bothered them before.  Suddenly, there is a face before them that will most certainly be walking into a world that has been shaped by adults. 

I dropped into BBB briefly this evening and made use of one of Lillian's lovely posters.
And, it looked just right.

Problem Solving Deficit Disorder

Diane Levin coined the term Problem Solving Deficit Disorder and I would not be surprised to see it included in the next edition of the DSM.

Problem Solving Deficit Disorder speaks to the lack of skills that children have when they have spent most of their play time in imitative or instructed play rather than real play.  The child, instead of problem solving and learning her own way of doing things, through play, has spent months to years imitating a pre-created story line.

In imitative play, the child is taking a toy that comes with it's own story line, or it's own set of instructions, and is using it as directed.  The toy can be a Power Ranger, Spider Man, Luke Skywalker, Cinderella, Ariel, Tiana.  The child takes the toy, and knowing the storyline it represents, plays that story over and over.  He or she imitates what she's seen without great variation.  It is imitative because the way my daughter plays Ariel is nearly identical to how Mia plays it, and how every little girl in our neighborhood plays Ariel.  The way a little boy plays Spider Man is not greatly different from how his cousin, friend and neighbor will play Spider Man.  It is the outside going into the child, the child is receiving input rather than creating output. Through imitation, the child is internalizing the story and it's message.

In real play, the child is taking what exists in her mind, and putting it into her world in a concrete way.  She is taking the things she notices and thinks about, and manifesting them in a physical way.  This is why, especially early on, kids can play with pots and pans, rocks, blocks, and sock puppets.  The materials need not be complicated, there doesn't even necessarily need to be materials, because the ideas are what count.  In real play, the kind that builds a child up, the ideas are the most sophisticated ingredient, and the final product.  It is the mind and personal creativity of the child coming out, the child imprinting the world with her way of seeing it.

Toys and materials that promote real play are open ended, non-affiliated: wooden blocks, bubbles, paint, play doh.  The way my daughter plays with paint will be different than how Mia paints, and Mia's painting will be different than every other little girl in our neighborhood.  They way your son uses play-doh will be different than how his cousin uses it, and different still from how his friends use it.
Here are some teachers examples, as reported to Levin, of how they've seen PSDD manifest in their classrooms:

Kindergarten teacher: Daily, groups of girls argue about who will get to go to the sand table and stand next to the cutest boy.

First Grade teacher: Daily fights among boys as they play, Good Guy vs. Bad Guy, always, always, resulting in someone crying, someone getting hurt.

Kindergarten teacher: Kids, given 15 minutes of free play, roaming around the play area, unsure what to do, not engaging in anything, saying, "There's nothing to do."

First Grade: Boys not knowing how to play without using characters from TV shows and movies, and always these shows have the Good Guy vs. Bad Guy theme, and always they're beating the tar out of the Bad Guys, in the name of justice.

Another teacher that Levin interviewed told how in her classroom, she set a large mass of play-doh on a table, and kids walked around it, not touching it, until one child finally poked it and asked, "What does it do?"

When kids have spent play time from age 1-5 imitating companies stories, they have not used that time to discover a problem and then work at solving that problem.  Instead of developing and sharpening problem solving skills, instead of building a foundation to support conflict resolution, they've sharpened their skills of imitating, and will rely heavily on others to provide both entertainment, and solutions to problems.