Sunday, February 20, 2011

Hummus, Homicide, Pringles

Reading this, I passed it to Dave, who read it, and passed it back to me.

"We live in a very strange world," he said.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Action (iv)

This action takes 7 seconds.  I timed it.

The strangeness of the situation still strikes me.

Imagine coming from gastric bypass surgery, or an appendectomy, or your scheduled lobotomy, and waiting for a post-op on how things went, and then having your surgeon end the update with, "Also, don't forget to sign up for free coupons to Home Depot.  Here's your Home Depot jacket.  It's waterproof, with thermal pockets."

Let's see if we can take 17 unrelated things and throw them together in the maternity ward.  Because entering parenthood is not confusing enough. 

The hospital where I had Miss C, along with every hospital in this area, has signed on to this deal.  And though I had a good experience there, I also brought a doula with me.  She was sort of like a bouncer.  She ran interference, talked with the staff, brought me juice, and helped Dave to help me.  At one point, in the thick of things, I was sitting buck naked on a giant exercise ball, and the door to the delivery room flew open and in walked a medical student.  Nothing against medical students, because many of them become doctors that help people.  Except this guy was so excited.  To see a natural childbirth.  That he just couldn't stop talking about it to me.  In a loud and enthusiastic voice.

"Good job you're doing great look at you go what a good job lookin' good you're looking goooooood!"

Since the power of speech had left me back at 8 centimeters, I just held on as he bobbed from side to side, like a cheerleader on speed.

My doula was swift, got in my face and asked, "Do you want him in here?"

I shook my head, and the happy man was escorted out.  Never to return.

I think she is the one who should help escort Disney out, gently but firmly.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Disney Looking Into the Cradle for Customers

The chief executive of Disney is super psyched about an extra vulnerable market: newborns!
And the women who've just expelled them from their body!
"If ever there was an opportunity for a trusted brand to enter a market and provide a better product and experience, it’s this," said Robert Iger, chief executive of Disney. "I’m extremely excited about it."
Coming soon to a maternity ward near you:
 Late last month, the company quietly began pressing its newest priority, Disney Baby, in 580 maternity hospitals in the United States. A representative visits a new mother and offers a free Disney Cuddly Bodysuit, a variation of the classic Onesie.
The article is just rich, including mention of the problem that kids don't really get exposed to Disney until preschool, and also, a shout out to those few parents who object to stealth marketing.
Because the ideal consumer is one who believes there is no choice.

One mother commented,
"It surprised me that Disney was in there promoting something right as the baby was born, but we figured as new parents we weren’t in a position to turn free things down."
I know, I know: this is the system within which we live.
Still, I can't help but idealize: what if, rather than visiting brand new mothers with ever more Disney Products, they instead came by with a warm water wash for your ripped vagina?

Or,  some of those bulky pillow-pads to absorb all the blood?

At least a card that said, "Well done, uterus.  We're so glad to have another customer coming our way.  Keep up the good work!"