Sunday, April 24, 2011


I meant to pick this book up and read the back cover, and then put it back down and perhaps add it to the goodreads list, but then I went ahead and bought it and have been laughing all night.
Bossypants [Book] 
But, if you are The Anonymous who hates SNL and feel that every time you have to read or see something redeeming about that show that it kills you, STOP. 
I do not want to kill you.  I don't.

If you do not have that sensitivity (and I'm not mocking sensitivity, because do you know what I'm sensitive about?  Velvet.  I actually feel like I am going to die when I touch it, and sometimes my siblings would throw a velvet blanket on top of me as behavior deterrent, and it worked), then risk reading on:
Let's talk about the hair.  Why do I call it 'yellow' hair and not 'blond' hair?  Because I'm pretty sure everybody calls my hair 'brown.'  When I read fairy tales to my daughter I always change the word 'blond' to 'yellow,' because I don't want her to think that blond hair is somehow better.
 My daughter has a reversible doll: Sleeping Beauty on one side and Snow White on the other.  I would always set it on her bed with the Snow White side out and she would toddle up and flip the skirt over to Sleeping Beauty.  I would flip it back and say, 'Snow White is so pretty.'  She would yell, 'No!' and flip it back.  I did this experiment so frequently and consistently that I should have applied for government funding.  The result was always the same.  When I asked her why she didn't like Snow White, she told me, 'I don't like her hair.Not even three years old, she knew that yellow hair is king.  And, let's admit it, yellow hair does have magic powers.  You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to f&@k* it.  Snow White is better looking.  I hate to stir up trouble among the princesses, but take away the hair and Sleeping Beauty is actually a little beat.
* (I herein omit the full word because it's Easter, and writing fuck on Easter just seems wrong.)


  1. ooo, I get capitol letters now, I feel special. Please know that any distaste I have for SNL is not vicariously distaste for you or your fascinating blog.

    I think Tina Fey is indeed sometimes quite funny, and I'm glad she's distancing herself from SNL and doing her own thing to some extent.

    What is disney's obsession with hair anyway? It seems like it's always such a focal point.

    (captcha: "frumpess". Doesn't that sound like a wonderful name for a monster in a children's book?)

  2. On the other hand, if you have brown hair, you can be smart. Having yellow hair means you're a dumb bimbo. (And I like "yellow" hair, I'm going to start using that).

    Frumpess is a monster, who works at some large bureaucracy and demands that children submit requests for adoption in triplicate.

  3. Anonymous and LizOh: LOVE the Frumpness! Is that copyrighted material? :)

  4. Reminds me of the Little House books. Although the word blonde is never used in those. Laura, who has brown hair, is jealous of her sister Mary for her - wait for it - GOLDEN hair. Not yellow. Not blonde. But GOLDEN. Doesn't that just say it all?

  5. I have yellow (curly!) hair and I'm still chomping at the bit to read this. Just ordered it from amazon. Mary, I didn't even know that she was writing a book until I read this!

  6. There's a perfectly good French word for brown hair as well: brunette.

    If its black....I dunno.

  7. it's all context, though: in the us, i have brown hair. in taiwan, it's not black, so it's 黃金頭髮... golden hair.