Sunday, September 6, 2015

Gertrude's Secret

If a rose by any other name would not smell as sweet, would Victoria's Secret still be as sexy if it went by another name?

Five years ago I called to have my name removed from the Victoria's Secret mailing list.  I was told my name was removed and yet the mail still kept coming.  I just chucked it in the bin and went along with life and then one day a postcard arrived from Gertrude's Secret and it was a coupon for free underwear.  No strings attached.  You just show up with your postcard and pick up some pantaloons.

But they're called panties.    

I go through phases where I save coupons for random things, stick them in a drawer, and then later clean the drawer and have to throw out a bunch of expired coupons.  Because they are never for useful things, like dark chocolate, but for a Free Custard at Rita's, or buy two sheet pizzas and get the third free, or Free Pantaloons at Gertrude's Secret.  Not that those don't add to the value of a day, but peripherally so, not integral. 

Anywho, I had a day where I cleaned that drawer and everything was going to expire in a week.  And I became determined to use every coupon before they expired. 

Have you ever redeemed a free pantloon postcard at VS? 

Let me give you a peek:  nothing is free.

I entered the store and asked a sales rep which of the pantaloons qualified.  She asked if I'd also like to look at some amazing new bras they had in, as well as beautiful sleep wear.  I said no thank you.  She asked if I would like to look at their lotions and potions.  No thanks, just here for the pantaloons.  Of course, she said.  She took me on a long and winding tour through the store, pointing out several new items and another set of bras that would change my life.  She'd slow at each item and I just waited thinking, Those are not the free pantaloons. 

At last, we arrived at a table strewn with underwear.  Free pantaloons.  I selected a pair and got in line. 

Once at the register the spiel began again.  I handed over the drawers and the postcard.  The cashier asked if I found everything I was looking for.  I said yes.  Had I heard of the new hand lotion with sea kelp?  No, but I just wanted the

or the newly patented bras that would change my life

nope just here for the

or the super soft and comfy pajama

free panties

And then there was a silence.  And a pause.

It was a standoff. 

Would I walk out with the free panties?

Or would I also be purchasing a sea kelp bra that would change my skin tone?

Free panties.  Thank you.

My item was put in a bag and stuffed with excessive pink tissue paper. 

I came.  I saw.  I got the free panties. 

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